


Party with dwarves

by dttwins



Series: Optimism [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Complete fix-it and over fix it, Dori the wizard, Drinking Contest, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Multi, Orgy, Threesome - M/M/M, magical mushrooms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dttwins/pseuds/dttwins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Smaug is dead and that calls for a party! You know it's gonna be good when Gandalf makes a fountain of ale and Radagast brings his magical mushrooms!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decent party

Smaug The Terrible was no more. The greatest calamity of their age was no more. That… That called for ale and a party. Thorin was sending raven after raven to his sister, to Dain, to Bard in Lake Town, he even called Thranduil and his prissy elves. He was so happy that after he was done, he grabbed Bilbo, spun him around in circles and when they were both breathless with laughter; the king kissed his beloved hobbit. The company cheered and after some ill advised dives into the gold (Fili) started chopping the dragon to grill some meat. The first to arrive were men with barrels of ale and some food, Bilbo provided the stories, Fili and Kili some music and it didn’t take long for everyone to get absolutely drunk. Thorin and Balin were in a serious discussion of how to make all the water in the mountains turned into ale or at least have couple of ale fountains.

The next to arrive was Beorn, who brought a huge barrel of ale which was much appreciated. The skin changer had to admit, dragon meat was delicious, as a rule Beorn was against eating meat, but he would make an exception for a dragon!

Next was Radagast, the mad nutter brought a nice basket of magical mushrooms with him...After that the party really started to become wild. Thorin and Bilbo were indulging in very heavy petting while also laughing uncontrollably. It just. Everything was so funny, especially half eaten dragon on a pile of gold with people and dwarfs partying and dancing right on top of it all. Unfortunately their best players were mushroomed out of their mind and couldn’t play, though Bofur and couple of men managed to start some crude songs. Fili and Kili were busy staring at each other, occasionally touching and immediately dissolving into giggles. Their huge eyes were gazing in wonder at one another as if they have never seen each other before.

That’s how Thranduil, his entourage and Gandalf had found the company. Thorin, who was still drunk but not as mushroomed as he was before, went to welcome him, the next half hour was spent with half the present company digging the hills of gold to find Thranduil his white gems as a present. Fili, who was sitting on them all this time finally managed to dig them out from under himself and the gems were officially presented to the elf king with lots of back lapping, hoots, clapping, and some slobbery kisses.

At this point Radagast offered the elves some of his mushrooms, everything else was fuzzy for Thranduil after that, not that it was not fuzzy for everybody else. Radagast and Beorn were in the middle of drinking contest, but not just any drink, they were consuming elfish wine, the strongest drink in the whole Middle Earth!

It looked like Beorn was losing; it didn’t matter though because both parties were quite pleased with their animals’ discussion and the more Beorn drank the more heated looks he was sending to Radagast.

Gandalf and Thranduil were exchanging no less heated looks and finally after charming a fountain with ale, the wizard picked the elf king by his tunic (the long magnificent but not very practical robe was disposed of ages ago) and dragged him to his room. Even drunk the elf was still a bit prissy and made Gandalf clean everything and everyone (fortunately for others with the same dirty ideas), Gandalf plus magical mushrooms made for much stronger wizard and so the whole mountain was cleaned in one well placed stuff move. When Thranduil asked to see his stuff closer and maybe even touch it, Gandalf decided that enough was enough and jumped the poor elf. Wizard’s beard felt wrong at first, but Gandalf, who was also using some magic to magnify the pleasurable sensations proved to be such a fantastical lover that Thranduil forgot all about beards, frankly he couldn’t even remember his own name, and all his vocabulary consisted of was please, harder, please.

With the arrival of the ale fountain the mood became even better if that was even possible and soon the dwarves and people were dancing merrily around it, drinking and some even swimming in the huge fountain.

Bilbo and Thorin participated as well and then Bilbo got perfect idea - he and Thorin climbed on top of Smaug head (after many tries and drunken falls) where they proceeded to pretend they were flying. Radagast, the kind mad soul that he was, managed to charm the walls to reflect the sky to add them in their game, all while Beorn huge hands were kneading his ass.

After couple of romantic minutes with Thorin cuddling with Bilbo in front of him, Thorin wondering hands naturally came down and started to caress his hobbit. Bilbo who was half hard since their petting session ages ago responded very eagerly, and soon was bouncing on Thorin’s majestic dick with all the enthusiasm of a hobbit.

Legolas who watched them, got really red in the face, it didn’t help that with his keen elf ears, he could hear his own father begging for more from a wizard. Luckily for the prince Fili and Kili brought him a salvation in a form of elfish wine. After the whole tankard Legolas decided that he absolutely must show his gratitude, and the best way to do it, he reasoned, was to grope those lovely princely behinds. It somehow evolved very quickly into threesome make out session. This time though Fili and Kili insisted on a bed, and so the three departed in search of a bed big enough for them. Legolas shyly admitted he has never lain with anybody before and so the princes were ecstatic to teach him. The next morning the three of them would be very surprise to find in their room feathers, jewels, bottles from wine, the rug completely spoiled by oil and other fluids, two boas, some chains, leather gloves, Fili’ throwing knifes with handles covered in oil, and cucumbers thrown all over. They didn’t remember details, but the three could agree that the night was amazing and decided to start the second day of celebration with a bang...or shag.

When they finally did come back to the treasury, it was a picture of complete debauchery that meet them, and even after all they did during the night, the princes got beat red just by watching. Men were lying all over the place, some sleeping, and some indulging in rigorous fucking. The most beautiful and shocking for Legolas was a picture of Bard with Tauriel on top of him, red hair swinging every time she lifted her ass only to slam back down. They were both completely naked and their strong bodies looked exclusive together.

The princes stumbled in the room in search of food. They managed to find Bofur and Nori sleeping together-Nori had Bofur’s hat on his head and his dick in his ass, though it didn’t seem to bother them as both were quite comfortable. Further down there was Dwalin and Ori, both naked except for a ton of jewels they were both wearing, the most extravagant was the scribe’s cock, covered in gold chains.

When they finally reached the food, they had to pry Bombur from the pot, who was hugging it in his sleep with the happiest smile on his face. Sadly by the time food was warm and ready to be consumed, the brothers lost their appetites because they saw Thorin fury behind, fucking the hobbit, still on top of a dragon. It was too much stress for poor princes and so they gathered their food and ale and dragged Legolas back to their room. They almost lost their desire though because in the corridor they saw Oin and Balin completely naked, rubbing against each other. That sight was more terrifying then Smaug himself!


	2. Chapter 2

The second day in the mountain passed very calmly, with people and dwarves sleeping, eating and making love, but by the evening everybody was well rested and in a very high spirits. And so the second part of the party commenced with grand supper with ale from the fountain and Bilbo telling stories of the Shire...the more ale he drank the rowdier his stories became and soon Dori was trying to cover Ori’s ears while Legolas was hiding his red face in Fili’s shoulder. The company was so taken with Bilbo’s stories that nobody noticed the arrival of Dain and his many dwarves. In fact, when they reached the huge circle around the fire Dain had to clear his throat rather loudly couple of times before anybody noticed him. When Thorin finally did, he gave him a very affectionate hug but that was it, the dwarves were quickly given ale and dragon meat and invited to sit and listen. Radagast was very happy to see new arrivals - nobody from yesterday party wanted to try his mushrooms anymore, but Dain and new dwarves didn’t know what those mushrooms did. Radagast giggled rather drunkenly and proceeded to snog Beorn in celebration, his evening was becoming even better (more mischief to cause). Maybe he could even ask three princes to distribute the magical mushrooms, yes, that was a nice idea indeed.

When Bilbo became too drunk and started really slurring his words, the circle of listeners dispersed. Gandalf and Thranduil were in such a hurry to leave that the wizard forgot his stuff near the fire. Dori who was the only one in the company brave enough to try mushrooms again saw an opportunity and grabbed the stuff with both hands. He then caused the chaos all over the huge room. Instead of the walls and ceiling that was still showing the night sky, that Radagast created yesterday, the ceiling now projected rather crude pictures of animal sex. All the helmets in Dain’s army were turned into Bofur style hats, Bofur actually cried from happiness. Beorn’s handcuffs disappeared along with any scar on his body, not only that but his outfit turned into a very high quality elfish silk dress...Radagast seemed to like it very much.

The next to get under Doris happy hand was Bifur who promptly received a whack in the head. The next thing he knows the axe in his head turned into a rather nasty looking butterfly and flew away, Bifur lifted his hand to his forehead...not even a scar, only smooth skin. Bifur tried to speak in Western, and actually managed to belch a very rude song about the man who liked pigs too much. Eyes wide Bifur tried Sindarin next, nearby elves were quite offended, but too drunk to do anything about it, they just insulted him and now he could insult them back! It was fantastic! It was a miracle! He had to thank Dori! Dori was busy singing and twirling the stuff, nobody could see it, but every twirl made the lonely mountain a different color. When Bifur jumped unsuspecting Dori and proceeded to snog him silly, the dwarf finally dropped the stuff. Some years later the experts would spend ages tying to prove what kind of minerals caused the mountain to be such a vivid rainbow color. Tourists would come by the thousands every year to see one of the Middle Earth miracles of nature. They said it shined the brightest on the anniversary of Smaug defeat. But today nobody knew that, Dori was busy digesting the clothes off ecstatic Bifur, who was crying how he loved Dori in all the different languages he could speak again.

While Bifur and Dori were excavating their mines thoroughly, Fili and Kili were teaching Legolas how to cause mischief...not that he needed that lesson particularly. The day he destroyed the east wing of their palace Thranduil was livid. But it was an accident! Mind you the place was still not suitable for living…Now all the dwarves who ate Radagast mushrooms were being organized in troops formation by Fili and Kili, Legolas was responsible for the names, and so troop “No pants’’ was to battle troop “Eat ants”. Since the names were so nice troop one lost all their pants and troop two was late for battle because they were trying to find ants and eat them. After half an hour of rigorous drinking and throwing coins and other heavy jewelry troop “No pants” obviously lost. As a punishment they all were forced to run one lap around the mountain, still without their pants, brrrr, it was cold outside! From then on nobody could run as fast as those dwarves ran that night! Many have tried but none could manage such an amazing prove of strength and speed. When they returned they were quite hot, so it was logical to dispose of the rest of the clothes. Seeing how happy it made them, all the others disposed of their clothes as well, and that’s how a very nice tradition of dancing naked on the second night of Durin’s day was born.


End file.
